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Back at it...

Let's be honest.  There's been a HUGE silence on this blog for a long time.  I've had a lot going on and a lot that I don't want to share with the whole world.  Bottom line.  Life is hard.  Transitions make it even harder and if you live through them... then you're a superstar.

I have this innate ability (in most cases) to make my brain sort of like a huge etch-a-sketch.  Something happens, it's awful, I dwell in it for a minute and then I wake up the next morning thinking... I'm not going to let that get my down, today is a new day... let's go.  Move on and move forward.  I sort of grew up this way and it's something that I haven't really ever grown out of.  Some days I feel so embarrassed that I just skipped right over a huge argument or conversation and then other days, I feel great because it's a new day and I don't have to think about that anymore.

For those around me, when this happens, it can be super frustrating and other times, really awesome.  I wish that I had a way of turning it off, but I just don't.

When I think about it now, I think... Well, it could be worse.  I could just stew over something forever and let it eat me alive... but I just don't.  Now granted, there are occasions when things get too meaty that I don't just let them roll off my shoulder... But those things are just few and far between.

I used to think of myself as a patient, free spirit... It's hard admitting that now because that's changed a bit with a family and kids, but I'm trying to get back to that feeling.  I don't want to be bogged down with negative crap but in all honesty... That's all I've been living and breathing for about 18 months.

I'm turning a page.  I need happy.  I need to feel it, breath it, live it and do happy... All day long, every day.  I realize that choosing to do this isn't something that's going to be easy but I'm giving it a try.  I mean, why not.

The stuff that has been going on, I will eventually talk about.  It's pretty heavy stuff and the details, are just hard to talk about.  We're doing better, our family is doing better, but there are always set backs.  Thankfully, we are moving through those set backs at a better pace now and in a more healthy way.  It's not perfect by any means, but we are moving forward to a more positive future and goal, together.

I don't think you'll meet anyone that says that marriage is easy.  It's not, folks.  There are so many highs and lows, in every circumstance, that it's just hard.  And I feel like I've lived through a lot of the lows that not everyone faces...

So, if I can do it... You can too.  You just have to have the right support and it will work.

With all of that said, I guess it's good that, in this situation, I sort of have that etch-a-sketch brain (as my husband calls it) because, I can't let the bad eat me alive.

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