Can I be honest?
2013 was not my year.
I had a lot of things going on emotionally and physically and well, they are still not up to snuff but I'm working on them in a positive more constructive way that I was in 2013.
As a family, we had a lot going on too. A lot of adjustments that have been made and need to be made in order to be better, together. We're working on those things too.
I've had some really great realizations, with the help of my counselor...
I need to be me. I need to let me be me and I need to do it. I don't need to hold back. I don't need to worry about what others think and let those things hinder me from being me. I just need to do it.
Forever, I would let other opinions and ideas and thoughts help shape me. I would take what other people would say and I would want to do what they are doing or be who they are and I would live with such envy. I think that's okay in some cases, but I would let that sort of flood my mind and I wouldn't let it come of anything and in the end, I would sort of just drown in an idea and never make anything of myself. Over the last few months, I've come to realize a couple of things.
I love natural alternatives to medicine. I love helping people learn about how to care for themselves and I enjoy helping to coach them on how to do those things.
I really do love the idea of going back to school and I really really really really want to get a college degree. I realize that sounds so trivial at this point, but I really want to accomplish this. My mom always told me that I should do it before I have kids or it will be very difficult. That didn't happen but I'm very much interested in making that happen, it's just going to take time.
I loved breastfeeding and even though I didn't really document the end of our nursing journey with Emie (but I will) I want to talk to others about breastfeeding every day, all day long. So, I believe I have come to the realization that I want to work on getting some sort of certification or license so that I can do this.
And now, when I look back through these things spelled out (as I have a handful of times over the last few months), I have decided that I'm going to go back to school, to get a degree that will allow me to help influence people and teach parents-to-be about breastfeeding, natural alternatives to medicine and when it's all said and done... I will get to say that I did this for me! And in the end... My family will all be happy because I'm happy, doing what I've wanted to do! :)
This year is going to be pretty life changing for me and I'm excited. It's going to be the turning point that I've needed... I know... You're probably thinking, you had 3 pregnancies in 3 years and have since had 2 babies... isn't that life changing enough? Yes. But I need this for them and for me too. That's pretty important.