This weekend was the first weekend in a long time where I felt myself. Hands-down, one of the best weekend I've had in a long time.
Let's back up a little bit.
May 3rd, I had a follow up appointment with my OB about being on Zoloft. Leading up to this appointment, I wasn't myself. I had some pretty low days, even on Zoloft and I just knew that I was going to ask her to allow me to keep taking it. This made me feel worse because I just didn't feel like I was getting better and I feared having to up my douse to really get better. I hated being on that drug and I didn't want to take it, but I knew I wasn't getting better.
While I was there talking to her about it, I asked her about stopping the drug and what would need to happen, when I was ready. She just said, you'd stop taking it. I wasn't on a high dosage, so I'd just stop. She said that I could do this on my own, if I felt that I was ready.
After Sean's dad passed, I wasn't in a good spot. Prior to him passing, I was in a low spot too, but I knew that it was just because we were all running on empty and it was going to be that way for a while and that we were all doing this so that we could all spend as much time together and with Tom as we could. His life ended so quickly and we had to make the best and most of EVERY second that we had. My OB had said that through that time, she wanted me on Zoloft and that we weren't going to talk about getting off it for a little while. By May, I was feeling okay but not to the point of wanting off of it, just yet.
In the middle of May, I purchased essential oils and was using them for my anxiety, stress, depression and I could feel them helping. I was given a bottle of Wild Orange and I wasn't leaving home without it. At work, I used it 3 to 4 times a day and over and over again I really felt great. I wasn't sure at first but then I couldn't live without it and every day I craved the smell of Wild Orange. Was this really working?
June came along, I renewed my prescription, took two pills and then just stopped. I knew that I was feeling better and I thought that if I could get off them while the weather is great and while I was feeling good, then I was just going to do it. Worse case, I would just have to start taking it again, but thought no time like the present and just did it.
A month later, I told Sean that I stopped taking them. I wasn't proud, but I just wanted to stop, experiment with the oils and let things play out. And for me, it worked.
Going WAY back... in college, I was diagnosed with ADHD (no way!) and I would take adderall to help keep me on track and focused. Before I was pregnant, I was still taking adderall. It helped me focus on days when focus was really hard to come by and it was something that I knew would work when I just couldn't get my shit together.
In late July, I could tell that I was feeling really good, but my focus and attention to detail was just out the window sometimes. I would start about 10 projects a day and my husband would FLIP OUT because 2/10's of them would actually get done. It was making our house a little cluttered and crazy, to say the least. So, I knew what needed to change. I needed to get back on adderall. I went to the doctor, told him where I stood with my issues and he prescribed me a low dosage to make sure it was working.
Within the first day, it was like eye-of-the-tiger. Shit was getting done and Sean was noticing.
This weekend was amazing, because of adderall. No joke. We cleaned out the kitchen cabinets, reorganized almost every cabinet and got rid of SO MUCH that it was so rewarding! After Sean left to run errands, I didn't lay on the couch and crash while the kids were napping (like normal), I cleaned the windows in the living room, cleaned the tables, reorganized the toys, prepared a great (on the fly) dinner and folded a crap-ton of laundry. I even had the itch to reorganize the living room and move furniture around, but I refrained because I didn't want to get into totally tearing the house a part. (Side note: Rearranging furniture is my favorite past-time. I would do this all the time when I was little and I'm pretty sure my parent's hated it... but they let me do it because it made me happy. And most of the time it would work out.)
So... with that said, I can finally say that I really feel great and I think I have ME back! (fist bump)
Feels great, too.