Skip to main content

Being in a Rut

Sometimes, I lack the emotion, motivation and love behind what I do.  No.  Scratch that.  If it doesn't involve my kids or my family, my motivation is shot.  Sometimes completely and even more so over the last few months.

I've actually found myself questioning whether I'm depressed or if this is just the new way of life when you have two kids and a house and a job and the constant feeling that things just don't feel like they are ever going the right way or just ever getting completed.  It's ongoing and I hate this feeling.

I try to be very proactive. Making lists, setting clothes out for the kids, doing things the night before, getting up early, doing things on lunch that are needed verses just going to lunch and communicating with my husband about things that I need help with.  But I inevitably feel like I'm failing.

It's not just at home either.

It can almost be categorized as always feeling this way.  Everywhere.  All the time.

Where does it start.  It's starts with me.  Then it moves to the fact that having a family is a lot of work.  Fun work. And ongoing.

Having the stress of running a house and having both parent's work full time is also a lot of work too.  I know that I mentioned this before and the common answer is... "spend time with your kids, who cares about the rest."  This sounds great, but in all honesty, these things need attention too and while I love spending time (all of my time) with my kids.  It doesn't help to get anything done.

While on maternity leave, I was really struggling.  Leading up to maternity leave, I was beginning to really fall apart. I knew that I'd have to go back to work full time and that staying home with the kids wouldn't be an option for our family or our budget.  It's always in the back of my mind, like it would magically become an option, but really, it's just not.  So, while on leave I went out on a limb and decided that I needed to find something (for me) that might strike a passion.  I thought that it could be something that could potentially becoming more and I would just run with it.  But what?

All ideas aside, I kept going back to my camera.  Now, understand that I'm an amateur and I know enough about a camera to make me dangerous.  But, I have a (somewhat) nice camera and I've been working very hard to understand it's functions and use the ones that I wouldn't normally to create pictures that are (actually) really awesome. (And shooting in Manual is actually pretty awesome.) Not only that, but I've just started to use my camera more, which have resulted in some of my best pictures and I have found that it hasn't taken much thought to capture them. (Score!)

I've been in my current (full time working) position for over 6 years and have had a laundry list of tasks that have been my responsibility over the years.  Some of that has been adjusted and amended a few different times based on growth of the company and changes in my team.  It's also been mostly effected the last two years when I was on maternity leave for two times in two years.  When I come back from leave, it's refreshing to be there.  I like what I do.  I'm in a business support role where I assist an array of  associates and executives in a handful of different ways, daily.  It's a great position, my boss is outstanding and the company is ever-growing.  I honestly have never worked for a company much like this one and when people arrive at our office, they say the same about our surroundings and atmosphere.

Anyway, in knowing that photography wouldn't fit into my current role and it's always been something that I've loved, I just thought that I would give it a try.  I did a few free sessions with some of my neighbors and their family, at a really cool bridge just outside of the town I live in and they both went great.  But, over the last two years, I had done an event for a friend, some Christmas card pictures for a friend and then maternity pictures for another family.  I wanted to share my work and get the word out a little bit, so I started a facebook wall and decided to start posting everything there.  It's been a nice way to connect with some people and meet some other families as well. 

My goal with chasing my passion?  To capture joy.  Everywhere.

It's all very exciting.

My main need for a professional photographer is to have someone capture our family and to have everyone in the pictures and to not have to worry about someone else using our camera to try and capture our lifestyle.  We have had great photographers capture our family and my goal is to do my best to capture other families, as well.

If nothing else, I feel really good about this step and while it's eliminating more time that I get to spend at home or with my family, it's refreshing and it helps me feel like I'm moving further and further from that rut.


Molly said…
This is great, Jill! You're following a dream and that's always a good thing :)
Court said…
Awesome! Keep at it and don't let your dream fade!
Whitney said…
You know I think it's awesome. You project a can-do attitude that inspires people around you--including me! Remember that the next time you feel like you're failing!

Popular posts from this blog

that nightmare

Time is passing and permanent/next step decisions AREN'T being made about where our marriage is going.

Not because of anything other than HOPE....

Hope that these changes are real.  I can't deal with an act anymore.  I'm done with those fake attempts.  It just won't work for me.  I can't.

Hope that he really wants to change.  Because he's the only one that can make that decision for himself and not anyone else.

Hope that a new normal is really a possible option.  And not just a glimmer of something that will eventually be shattered and destroyed.

Hope that we could work through all of this and actually land on our feet.  But he has to want to do those things and my guidance won't help him.  He's got to want to do them on his own.  I can't help or ask or guide.  He has to do it.  Alone and with the help of God.

Hope that the narcissistic behaviors are being dealt with in positive ways and won't resurface.  With the help of prayer, guidance from h…

my little model...

There is a blog that I follow of a photographer that I saw at the Delaware County Fair. Her studio is near my home town and her pictures are very vibrant. I enjoy looking at different aspects of photography and I like seeing how didn’t people capture pictures and scenes… I guess you could say I’m envious.

While following her blog, I saw a post that stated Calling All Furry Friends and immediately responded. I have always wanted to have Toby get professional pictures done but I just fear that I wouldn’t pick the right person to capture his personality.

Anyway, as you can read in the link above, there were a handful of photographers at Megan Morgan’s studio and they were all going to be there just to take furry friends pictures.

Of the people that were there two have uploaded their pictures and Toby is in them!

First, Megan Morgan’s blog: Weekend Workshop

Then, Holly McCaig’s blog: Dogs Everywhere

They all captured some great pictures and I can’t wait to get my hands on them so that I …

clomid vs. follistim

(IUI #4)

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "letters, 1", stating:

"what are the statistics on follistim v. clomid or other oral egg-enhancing drugs?"

Before I responded, I went on just to make sure I knew what I was talking about.  {Nothing like going through a medical procedure, thinking you know everything and then letting an Anonymous comment send me off my track. ha!}

Disclaimer: I'm not a dr. nor do I want to be a dr.  This is what I understand to be the difference.  This isn't fact, other than the links I'm posting, it's just my understanding.  Please DO NOT take my words for fact.

This is what I knew before I did the research:

Both Clomid and Follistim are ovary stimulating drugs that tell your ovaries to produce eggs.  They are both in the same in that aspect of things.  The physical difference is that Clomid is in pill form and taken orally.  Follistim is powder to liquid that is administrated by a pen/shot. 

From thi…