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Breastfeeding | The End

It is very sad for me to share with you that my breastfeeding journey has ended.

I could tell it was going to stop soon, but I wasn't sure how it was all going to go down.  We had been supplementing with a bottle in the mornings and it was getting to a point that if I didn't offer him to nurse before he could see the bottle, then he would not nurse because he wanted the bottle.

I know that the introduction of a bottle can be detrimental to a breastfeeding mom, but he wasn't getting it at that time so I thought that if I had to do it from time to time that it would just be okay but it wouldn't be his preferred.  Boy was I wrong. 

We had about 3 days without any interest in nursing, a day with nursing, then 3 days without and then we tried one more time and by that time it was apparent he was not having his needs met and the bottle was going to be the only thing to fix it.  So, we just did that and then our nursing relationship was over.  Just cut off like that.

I'm still in denial that it happened like that.  It's taken me weeks to post this because I just never imagined that it would a. be that easy or b. happen that soon.  I hate to place blame on this new pregnancy for cutting that relationship short, but it did.

Also, I suppose that I shouldn't complain because it wasn't like I had to quit cold turkey or all at once.  It was just one feeding that we were working with stopping and I honestly never felt the "drying up stage" that some feel/complain immensely about.  It's sad to know that it all ended because my body was preoccupied with growing another child, but it is what it is.

We made it 11 months.  11 months!  And 6 of those months, I was pregnant with another child.  Insane what your body can do, right?

Before we stopped, I wondered how the transition to one child nursing to two children nursing was going to work.  I wondered if it was going to be easy, weird, painful or all of the above.  It's still something that I wonder about.  Will Coen be envious of the new baby and her nursing?  Will he want to nurse again because she is and he remembers?  Or is that memory not even there?

Now that we've also weeded out bottles from his diet, all together, it's just making things seems like they are moving so fast.  I realize that these transitions are supposed to happen, but when they are all right in a row like this it makes me fear that tomorrow he's going to wake up and be 16 years old and driving.  I know that these things all happen for a reason and that I should be so proud that it's going so well, but I cannot help but be a little emotional about my baby becoming a big boy so quickly.

He has no idea that it's hard on me, but it is.  I think it's worse because I have to battle with pregnancy hormones on-top of mommy-hormones, but still.  It's seriously crazy how time just flies.

I look forward to nursing again and I know that in all honesty... that it will be nice to have a break before I start up again.  Lord knows that nursing two children would've been really hard, but I was willing to do whatever both Coen and the new baby wanted to do.  I'm upset about our break-up but I'm happy at the same time.

My nursing relationship with the new baby might be totally different, but I'm hopeful that it's just as awesome as it was with Coen!  Those moments I will never get back with him or never be able to replace them, and I'm so honored that we had that time together.  It was some of the sweetest, stressful, most rewarding moments that I could've ever spend with Coen and I'm so grateful.

Just cannot believe that it's come to an end.


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