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worries

  • Lately, I've been thinking about the fact that in just a few days, we are going to have a date on the calendar for the arrival of our little girl.  It's a really weird feeling for me because it's like the expiration date.  "On this day, ___________,  your baby will arrive."  I get nervous about it because while Coen was content as can be in the womb until 40 weeks and 6 days, this little girl will not have the same amount of time to bake and we'll be booting her out (maybe) before she's ready. I realize that she might have another plan and could arrive earlier, but I can't believe this, because of the way labor went last time.  It's just weird.  I'd love to be able to experience labor again, but at the same time, I don't know that I would REALLY want to do that all over again.  (Side Note: My neighbor went into labor with her second and was almost 9 centimeters dilated and they still did her c-section as planned.  Crazy.
  •  I'm not as worried about Coen and where he will be while we are in the hospital.  It sounds like we have a line up of people that are willing and wanting to help, so that should be good.  I also have a handful that had offered to come and hang out with me while S. takes care of Coen at home.  I want to spend time with him while I'm in the hospital and the baby, but I also want him to have fun and be on scheduled too. This will work out, it just makes me nervous because it'll be the longest that I'll be away from him and I won't be able to rock him to sleep or kiss him goodnight.  This makes me really sad.
  • Because of his accident on Mother's Day, I worry about him a lot more, now.  I think this is normal, but I just worry that something else is going to happen.  This last week has been filled with awful dreams as well.  They all correspond with accidents and something else happening when I'm not around.  Just pulls really hard on my heart-strings.  This too, will be okay.
  • We're working on buying a new family car.  It's something that we need in order to both fit two car seats in the back seat without cramping the front seat, but also so that we can continue to grow our family and not have to buy a new car every couple of years.  It's not a fun process.  It's stressful and frustrating, but eventually we will find something that will foot the bill.  Just takes time and a lot of research/effort.
  •  I'll write more about this in my weekly post, but I'm really going through a "I-hate-my-body" phase.  It's not related to my baby bump, as much as it's related to the rest of my body.  Especially my legs.  I hate them.  I know they look awful and I know that they need some major help, but for now, I just have to live with them.  They make me feel yucky and gross, but I hope to really tackle them on the flip side of this pregnancy, once nursing allows.
  • At my office, I get 23 PTO days.  I have used 6.5 and I have 15 days planned to take later in the year, excluding my Maternity leave.  I'm stressing out because while I would love to stagger my return, it looks like I'm going to be forced to 1 cut my (full weeks of) maternity leave short  to allow for the stagger, instead of just having that time to play with as PTO on top of my maternity leave.  Otherwise, I won't have a flex day of 1.5 days to be able to run home, if something needed attention.  Stresses. Me. Out. But it will have to do.
  • I'm worried about these summer months.  Last weekend it was 85+ degrees outside, we were at a street art show and it was hot.  This coming weekend, it's supposed to hit 90+ degrees and it's only May, people.  I have to wait until the end of August to have this baby and by then, who KNOWS what the temperature will be like.  My poor body might hate my now, but it will probably just quit by the time August comes around.
  • Coen still nurses in the AM, some days.  Other days he does not.  I don't think that he's breaking up with me, but I fear that he might have to because the supply isn't being demanded.  I also wonder/worry about once my milk comes back and what he will want to do.  Will he want to nurse again?  If he does quit between now and then?  Will he be jealous of the new baby?  

Just a few things on my mind.

It's normal.  Just wanted to express them, that's all.

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