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tough


I have some of my pictures from my camera on one of my photo streams on my iPhone.  I like having them there so I can constantly compare how Coen is changing. Unfortunately for me, I didn't get my iPhone until Coen was 3 or more months old, so I don't have my own pictures and videos from him on there.  I do have a handful from what S had taken during that time and the other day, I went back and looked at them.

Talk about emotional.

I had a complete ugly cry going on and I couldn't control it for about 10 minutes.  It was really tough.

I get worked up about small he was and how different he is now.  (Keep in mind that when I was having me breakdown, he was in bed and I was about 5.5 months pregnant.)  I was just having a hard time with realizing how quickly time had passed and how fast we are going to have another little one to watch transform and grow into this loving, playful, energy-filled little being!  It's heart wrenching how fast it goes.  I know that every mom will tell you that before it actually happens and while I had heard it 100 times... my reaction was always the same.  I would smile politely and think to myself, that I will only understand when I'm actually experiencing these feelings.

And this night, I realizing how much I was already experiencing what they were all talking about... Talk about a full on. Hot. Mess.

Why?  Well....

I think about being in the hospital with our new baby and seeing Coen in a totally different light.  A big brother, a big huge baby, a baby that is no longer a baby anymore... A baby that is now my toddler and his baby sister as the baby...  It's just emotional to think about the growth in our family and how Coen will react.  I worry about him when I'm in the hospital.  Who will be with him, who will be with me?  Who's going to help me out of bed to get our new baby and who will be there to bring him in when I need my Coen fix....  It's just tough to plan when I'm not really sure how it's all going to pan out, but I'm really hoping to have help, just don't know who that will be yet...

But time passing will only get faster as our family grows.  I enjoy every minute that I get to spend with Coen and I laugh at everything that he does because he's hilarious and absolutely amazing.

Sometimes, it's just really really tough.

Comments

Sassytimes said…
Ah, adding siblings is so tough. It is so emotional. I still think going from 1 to 2 kids was the biggest adjustment ever; for all the reasons you mention. There is SO much guilt. It's all normal though. They will be great together...they will play together...and love each other...and regardless if Coen feels slighted in the beginning, he will forget about it and LOVE you and baby. He will. You are giving him a gift. Siblings are a gift. ;)

Hang in there!
Erin said…
You can do this! I can only imagine your nerves as you enter this new chapter in life. I'm sure you and Coenzyme will be just fine :) and it's ok to be an emotional mess when you're a mama!
Leah said…
While your timeline is a bit more accelerated then mine ;), these are very normal and to be expected worries. Saying that doesn't make it any easier, just know that you're not alone.

Adding a sibling is one of the most amazing things that you can do for your children. It will also make you love Coen more than you thought possible. It really stretches the bounds of your emotions, for good and bad.

You'll be capable of more than you thought possible as well. Help will be good, but there will be times when no one brings you the baby, your soothe Coen and manage to eat lunch. :) I swear, I got SO much more done with Ezra as a newborn, than I did with Isaac.
Moore Family said…
You will be surprised at how much easier it is the second time around. You will think how or why did I think it was so hard the 1st time? This baby thing is easy! Lol! I sent my husband home to be with the big brother and spent my time bonding and nursing and getting to know my newest little one. It was nice to be able to do that. Once you get home the chaos starts to ensue ;). You will do great and be a wonderful mommy to both kids. Plus remember those awesome nurses you had with Coen....they will still be there and be just as awesome the second time around :D
Sincerely ,
Ericka (an awesome L&D nurse :D)
M said…
You will be fine! #1 mom.
Of course we are willing to help with coen at anytime when you are in the hospital or just adjusting to a new baby girl in the house!
Allison said…
I'm having a lot of the same feelings right now. If you want to chat, you know where to find me :)

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