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going back to work

I knew the day would come.

The day that I'd have to return to work and leave Coen behind.

You'd think it would be a little easier for me because when I first go back, he'll be staying with Sean.  However, no matter how it works out, it's hard.

I mean, I'm his source of nutrients and food.  I'm the only one that can feed him right now and when he's really upset, I can calm him down in an instant.

I give him kisses all day and hold him until he falls asleep.

I sit for HOURS and just listen to him breathe.

And when he's asleep, I listen to him snoring.

I'm returning to work because my income counts in our family financials.  I'm returning to work to make money to support and care for Coen.  I'm returning to work so that I can continue to use my skills and have adult interactions daily.  I'm returning to work for Coen.  What I do at work doesn't really matter, it's what I bring home that counts.

I'm anxious about it all.  There's a lot of planning that we have to do in order to make the whole process smooth.  Bottles for the sitter, cooler, cooler packs, storage bags, breast pump, burp cloths, diapers and everything else in between.

When the day actually arrives, it's going to be very hard.

Sitting here thinking about it now already has me balling my eyes out, but it's what we have to do.

Going back to work starts this Friday.

This Friday is going to suck, but it's one step in the direction I have to go in.


Allison said…
((HUGS)) It is SO hard. SO SO hard. But it is what it is and eventually (for me, that eventually took awhile) you'll be accepting of it. And when he's older, you'll see how great having a sitter is for him, too. Now that E is older, I can see that she's learning SO MUCH and how well-developed she is because she's around other kids all the time. It was just really hard when she was SO little. If you ever want to chat about it, I'm here.
Tina said…
Big hugs! I wrote a post just like this five months ago. But I survived. In fact, I think both G and I thrive this way. And no matter what, we get lots of cuddles in when I'm home...and I would dare say I'm still his favorite! :D But it is SO SO SO hard. It's ok to be sad. And it's also ok to be ok with it. Praying for your heart!!!
Oh, hug. I wish this rite of passage was one that you could just bypass.

Sassytimes said…
It will be SO hard...but over time, it will get easier. You'll still have your days where it sucks and that's normal.

Hang in there! HUGS.

(I have to go back when baby boy is 6 weeks old this time...I'm ALREADY sad about it and it's forever away.)
HUGS to you! Our son isn't even born and I am already thinking of the day I have to go back and know I am not looking forward to it as it is a mere 6 weeks after he is born.

We will be thinking of you.
Leah said…
Those are great reminders as for why you're returning! It doesn't make it suck any less though.

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