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I don't want one...

I've talked to a number of people, I read countless books, I've asked my doctor, I've talked to a doula, I've read your blogs and I just don't want one.

I don't like needles, I don't like the potential list of side effects, I don't want to hurt my back, I don't want to be tied to a bed, I don't want to limit my body from doing what it can do naturally and I just don't want one.

I don't want to "come off of it" and shake to death, I want to be able to get up and walk around, I want to be able to feel what's going on, manage the pain myself and I don't want to feel bad for not getting one.

I want to set a goal, surpass it, and keep going.  I want to feel my body take over and push our baby out.  I want to have a natural birth and I don't want to be looked at like I have 12 heads.

I want to feel the pain, I want to breath through the pain, I want to deal with the pain in the moment and have the pain be gone when it's done.  I don't want one.

I've had a number of friends over the last few months give birth and their only thought in response to me asking them about their birth is that, "if they could suggest anything, it would be to get an epidural."  I just cannot bring myself to even get there and say those words, "I'm getting an epidural."

And yes.

Yes, I understand that giving birth naturally will be the hardest thing that I'm about to endure.

Yes, I understand that it will be so painful and overly uncomfortable.

Yes, I know that I'm going to HATE my decision for not having an epidural in the moment and I'm going to BEG for the pain to go away.  But I'm not getting one.

Yes, my husband is on board with me and supports this decision, 100%.

Yes, I understand that if faced with a medical decision to get one for sake of me or the baby, I will do it.

Yes, I understand that I won't seem like a coward, if I say now that I'm not getting one and then end up with one.  It's just part of the process and sometimes what happens.

Yes, I understand that I could tear and I could have to have an episiotomy and that I would feel that pain.  I do understand that piece, but that still doesn't convince me.  I still do not want one.

Yes, I know that when I saw these things to my friends or my family, they all look at me like I have 12 heads.  I realize that it's not the most desired choice and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Yes, this is going to be hard but I'm prepared and do not want one.

Comments

Tina said…
Good for you--I say decide what you want to do and stick with it. I wanted and got an epidural and had some friends who looked at me like I had 12 heads. LOL. Reading your post made me realize that you're going to get this type of reaction from now on...motherhood brings out the smarty-pants judge in everyone. In many ways, I kind of wish that I had tried without an epidural, so I am very impressed by you!!! :)
Mrs. Dirnberger said…
Its YOUR decision, YOU do whatever you think is best for YOUR baby and YOUR body. Its that simple. I command you for trying/doing it! What a strong women. But when it comes down to it, who cares what others think, its YOUR decision!
Sister, we all have a road to travel. I pray your journey is swift and as pain-free as possible. Good for you for knowing what you want.

You can do it.
the grumbles said…
oh bless your heart, dear friend. i wrote such a similar post in my last trimester, the negativity from family and people at work and EVERYWHERE really started to get to me.

there's no real planning for birth, or how you'll react to it, but i can tell you from very personal experience that it is certainly possible (and not crazy) to have an unmedicated delivery.

get in the zone. do what you need to do to keep everything around you positive.
erin.patrice said…
My sister didn't get one and she powered through it like a champ. She loved that she was able to switch positions and do what felt best. She was tired and a little shakey after but she went on an adrenalin high and was up for a while after the delivery. It was amazing. You'll do perfectly. It's what women were made to do.
Jaime, PA said…
I will have to say that I have given birth twice..The first time was when I was 20 and had the epidural put in 3 times, by the fourth time it was to late and delivered my son with no drugs. I felt all the pain and pressure.. The second time was just recently in 09 with my second son. I was 9 yrs older and I made it to 8cm..They did not check me before hand thank goodness cause I would not have been aloud to get one.. But the pain and contractions had gotten so painful I started to shake during each one, not being able to concentrate on anything but the shaking and pain. Once the epidural was in, ahh complete and utter focuse on the job at hand..I felt like I had let everyone down for taking the meds, but it was what was best for me and baby!! So you do what is right for you..And if you decide other wise when the time comes who cares...
Sarah Dee said…
I had one, it was the worst part of labor.

Really, I was tied to a bed, couldn't move like I needed to for my body to get the baby out. Not to mention: IT DIDN'T WORK! So, I couldn't even do the pain management things I needed to do.

I plan to try to deliver #2 w/o.

(My word verification is 'evils'. Ah, the evils of judgement)
Allison said…
Good for you for standing by your convictions! You can do it! It's your decision for you and your baby and you have the right to make that decision. And again, good for you for making it.

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