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Sprout | Being Here.

Getting here, wasn't easy.

Getting here took us over 4 years. Four years that we struggled through and hated almost every moment of... but wouldn't take back for anything.

Getting here meant a lot of money spent on fertility treatments, doctor's visits, time away from work, and fertility doctors and we will never get those things back or have a baby as a result of them.

Getting here, took thousands of dollars with a doctor that never had a procedure work on us, the way they were intended.  Not to mention the countless test that proved that nothing is wrong with our bodies.  It proved that we didn't have anything standing in our way, except for potentially 2% (but I think that was just a buffer to make us believe we did have something standing in our way).

Getting here was one of the most emotional things that we have ever had to live through.

Being here (from other people's perspective) has changed us and more specifically changed our relationship with one another. The tragedy of not having success and not being able to keep out first pregnancy, was really hard.  Dealing with a lot of those emotions ourselves only made us that much closer.  Our relationship is unexplainable to another person, but we're here and we don't take for granted what we've been given.

Being here reminds us that we lost a life along the way.  It reminds us how lucky we are to have another opportunity to be here, so close to our loss.

Being here meant that I had to stop my ADHD medicine and deal with the day to day struggles that I'm faced with because of no medication.

Being here meant that we could do it on our own!!

Being here meant that with all tests and doctors aside, our bodies COULD communicate and could create a little life.  A heartbeat.  A baby.  Our baby.

Getting here, was something we kept private.  A journey that we didn't want to share with the world, along the way.  Something we wanted to accomplish on our own and only ask for help when we needed it.

Getting here wasn't easy.

Being here is getting easier.

Being here with Spud was an amazing moment. Losing him was absolutely heartbreaking.

Being here with Sprout is much easier now, but wasn't at first.  It took quite a bit of time to become comfortable with the idea that everything would be okay.  That I wouldn't have anything to worry about every little thing along the way.  That we were able to create a healthy baby that would arrive some time in June.  A baby that we'll get to hold and love for so many precious years to come.

Being here and feeling him kick me "hard" means that he's doing well and growing strong.

Getting here seemed like we were finally meeting the untouchable.  The unimaginable.

Being here is surreal.

Getting here felt like an eternity.

Being here makes us very happy.  Overjoyed.  Emotional.  Thrilled.  Anxious.  Excited.

Being here makes me realize the joy that we share because of the arrival of our child.

Being here makes me realize how much of a miracle we have and will have in our lives.

Being here is hard.

Being here reminds me of all the times that we thought we'd never be here.

Being here reminds me that we should feel blessed that we are here.

Being here reminds me of all of the people that continue to struggle, like we did, to get here.

Being here reminds me that not everyone understands how much of an accomplishment this was for us.

Being here reminds me that while we are overjoyed daily because of our baby's life, that not everyone appreciates or expresses our same joy.  This is a sad realization but, the truth.  Some people view a life or a pregnancy as the "next step", a non-challenge, a tax refund, or a non-life.  We don't have any of those thoughts when it has come to our lives that we've been able to create.  We will never feel that way about our children.  Never.

Being here makes us so unbelievably happy.

Being here, we soak up every moment and try to document it all along the way. 

Being here reminds us that we're going to be parents.  Parents to a baby that we have been waiting on for a long long time now.  Parents who won't be able to contain the joy they have for him when he arrives.

Being here feels like a dream, but I'm so glad it's our reality!

Happy Being Here.


Allison said…
Great post. I am so very happy for you--I have no words.
I'm so glad you're "here."

Leah said…
Beautifully written Jill. I can't imagine your struggles and ultimately faith to continue. I also love that you're here and Sprout too.

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