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breaking point

You know that point when you think you are holding together pretty well, when really all you want to do is cry.

Or scream.
That's where I'm at.
Or I was at.

First of all, being a woman is hard.

We had this whirlwind of emotions that we experience on or off of our cycle and we're supposed to just function as normal while our body flips cartwheels. It's not fun and there are moments when you just can't help but crave a breakdown.
I know that I haven't posted much about this in a while because it just hasn't been something that I want to talk about.  I figured that I was beating a dead horse and the more I grip about it the less it will happen.  Plus, you guys don't want to read a blog about "negative nancy".  It wasn't going to be fun for me or for you.

So, what happened?

Well, we were going to an RE, we did 3 rounds of IUI's and nothing happened.  I remembering posting about the costs of an IUI and basically, it's not cheap.  Our insurance will cover very few costs and the bulk of it we have to pay out of our HSA account.  After all of the surgeries and other procedures we had done, not to mention the IUI's, we were spent.

We knew that we had been worked up so much through these IUI cycles.  You can't help but think they are going to work.  You have a strong number of follicles and you really don't have anything (but a 1% off on the morphology) holding you back from becoming pregnant, yet it just doesn't work.

So we played it cool for a few months. 

May 21st was the last time we tried an IUI. 

So about 7 months off with no drugs or dr.'s appointments, just trying on our own. 
Temping (if I can remember).
OPTs at home.
Trying 10 days before until my 21 day of my cycle.
Trying for 20 days doing every other day.
Taking vitamins.
Tears.
Staying healthy.
Running.
Staying away from caffeine.
Good healthy loving. Less planned more fun.
Drinking very lightly during tailgates.
Never was a heavy smoker just a social smoker but I haven't touched that in years.

Doing whatever we can to get this done.

Still nothing.

So I talked to S. again about what we can do next without totally blowing out our savings. 
Our next step would include doing injectable drugs.  Injectable drugs that will cost about $900 by themselves.  The RE suggested doing Bravelle.

Not only are the drugs expensive but the procedures could be pricey too.  The IUI will be $350 and the ultrasounds and other visits will cost money outside of the insurance coverage.

With all of that said, it looks like we'll be moving forward with this step in January.

It feels good to have a plan.  We are aware that things come take place on their own before this time but we'll still plan for this until something changes.

It's going to be a good new year.



Comments

Bring on 2010-it'll be great and things will look up for you! Positive vibes being sent your way.
Sarah said…
I feel for you. Though I didn't have to go through this pain quite as long as you have, I did go through it, for 2 years.

We ended up using injectable hormones. Our insurance paid nothing - ever. So, my RE suggested ordering the drugs from a pharmacy in the UK. Technically, these drugs are not approved by the US FDA, but they are standard/approved in the UK and their version of the FDA. (A civilized, not 3rd world country. I guess he refers a lot of patients there).

I think we spend less than $350 for what we ordered - which probably would have been 2 months. HOWEVER! I'm excited to tell you that one month did it.

Clomid didn't work for me. It just wasn't "strong" enough. We had NOTHING negative on any tests, so we had nothing pointing us to a reason why things weren't happening. Nothing made sense. Buy my injections worked. I totally didn't expect it to happen in the first month, but it did. Oh my gosh.

If you want, I'll find my info on that UK pharmacy (mail order). You could talk to your doc about them, if you want.
Moore Family said…
fingers and toes crossed for you guys. new year, new beginnings, new babies :0) GOOD LUCK!
Steffany said…
I am really praying that 2010 is your year. I'm admire you for not being negative nancy (with all the posts, I never feel negativity from you; just shear honesty).
Hillary said…
I'm so sorry for all the waiting and frustration, but glad to hear you have a plan. It does help a little.
Molly said…
Sounds like a good plan. I'm rooting for you all the way!
osuraj said…
You should vent away. If it helps you get through your situation, you need to do it. I'm glad you have a plan, and I'll be thinking of you along the way.

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