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what it isn't...

I need your support, now more than ever.

It's much different than infertility.

It's knowing that it's only temporary.

It's getting up in the morning and dancing around two other adults.

It's knowing that no matter who it is, it's just hard to have your schedule and routine rocked.

It's having your husband leave and immediately having their car pulled into the driveway, for no reason.

It's remembering daily that it's going to get better.

It's not having the t.v. turned off correctly and waking up in the middle of the night to a blaring green light on the t.v. and a glow coming from the screen.

It's trying to remember that we're doing a good thing and that we should be grateful that we are able to help.

It's always having a used paper towel sitting on the sink ledge.

It's remembering that they may not like the things that I do.

It's having to put a towel on just to walk from my room to the laundry room, that is just next door.

It's being happy to help.

It's having two leather coats stink up the entire upstairs like a cigar. Not to mention everything else that is up there now.

It's knowing that they've changed their ways and stopped smoking cigars.

It's getting one kiss from my husband in an evening and a 1/2 hug.

It's knowing that they are helping out around the house.

It's sitting down only to eat.

It's having the dishwasher empty when you get home and you were the one to start it the night before. The dream!

It's being interrupted when trying to change out of your work clothes.

It's having a dry full of clothes folded, without asking.

It's getting gripped at me when I decided to go running at 9pm.

It's having the floors vaccumed 3 to 4 times a week.

It's having things placed on the banister or in the spare room closet that they don't want in their space. But instead of just telling me they put it there thinking that I'll just see it and know to move it.

It's having the lawn mowed.

It's having to purchase 12 Rubbermaid boxes to store everything from the spare room, linen closet, spare room closet, game room, loft and anything else in between.

It's having groceries purchased every couple of days without having to run to the store.

It's wanting to run to the bar (instead of around the neighborhood) for a drink to help take the edge off.

It's not having to worry about Toby because they are home to take care of him.

It's keeping busy, even when I don't have anything to do.

It's knowing that it will get easier.

It's trying to remember that my husband is trying to enjoy this time.

It's making a point to have a date night with my husband, just to have a night away.

It's feeling a swell of anxiety and feeling as though I need to be put on Zoloft to keep calm.

It's knowing that the first week was really hard and the 2nd week is already getting easier.

It's never getting to blog about what you want to blog about because you don't have time to sit down.

It's requesting to have the 1/2 bath cleaned and not only having it done but having the faucets sparkle, without asking. {more on this later}

It's having over 1000+ blogs in my reader to read and no time to read.

It's making better use of the kitchen table. More than we EVER have.

It's not being able to relax.

It's looking forward to running and doing it regularly.

It's having an adjustment period that I'm hoping doesn't last too long.

It's knowing that it will get better with time but the growing pains hurt.


Simi said…
it is rough to share a home with someone, i agree.

we had "house guests" while we were gone (IL's stopped by to spend the night on their way to somewhere) and they left the TV on ... and it was on for like a week... the hubster was pissed but you know they didn't MEAN to do it.. but it's still annoying. . .

i can related to alot of your thoughts.. especially not getting Quality time with the husband :(

Hope it's over soon!
Aleca said…
Thinking of you. Hope everything's ok...
SassyTimes said…
Hugs!! Hope it gets better soon.
Danica said…
Keeping you in my thoughts.

It's so rough having house guests. We had Kassidy for the summer and that took a lot of getting use to for me when I was use to being alone with LW and use to my house a certain way.
Allison said…
((HUGS)) Hope things get better very soon!
Jeannie said…
I'll be thinking of you. I can only imagine how tough it can be to share your space with houseguests. I hope it gets easier for you.
Julie said…
Living with people is definitely not easy! DH and I spent 7 weeks in transition with my parents and his parents during our move. I didn't even realize some of the things that would affect me. Good luck to guys are doing a great thing! I agree, though - definitely make sure you get a date night each week to relax.
Hillary said…
You described it so well....all the ups and downs. Thinking of you and hoping the houseguest situation continues to improve.
Anonymous said…
Have you considered sitting down with your house guests and setting some ground rules? They don't have to be anything complicated, but you're offering hospitality to your guests, not the promise to pick up after them as though they were children. When I've lived in multi-person situations, we always had expectations; if guests were staying longer than three days, they did their own laundry, folded their own clothes, washed their own dishes, cleaned their own bathroom, etc. It's just courtesy, and it will help you stay sane, both you and your husband. Just a thought.

Angel Tanner
hopeful #1 said…
Angel, you are sweet to offer that suggestion.

My husband and I started a list of things that we think need to be done OR things that we like done a certain way around our house... All things that were not major, like how many times the dog is fed, when we give them treats, smoking around the house, having the toilet seats down, things like this...

They told us to throw the list out because it was common sense.

How do you approach a couple that is in their 60s and tell them how to do things when they think it's their way or the highway?

Welcome to my world.
freckleface said…
I am the and my three kids in my dad's house.I know he must feel frustrated with us at times. It is also hard for us, not having a home yet, being away from your norm, your husband/dad. His house is littered with toys and suitcases...but he has a clean house and dinner on the table every night!
Anonymous said…
In regard to older people and being stuck in their ways - I think you approach them with all respect and tell them that it is your home, not just your house. You are offering them hospitality for a certain amount of time; if they are unwilling to respect that offer, by not respecting your (and your husband's) space, then gently and kindly make it known that the hospitality can be cut short but that that is not where you want to have to go.

Honestly, I think it is quite disrespectful to tell you to throw it away because it was common sense. Maybe you should tell them that they should consider using that common sense. Again, with all respect, gentleness, and kindness, though with firmness.

It sounds as though you and your husband might be getting a lesson in assertiveness thrown into the whole deal. Think about it. And remember, you are not being a young whipper snapper smart ass if you are offering these things with respect. I think that's what older folks desire most, since they've probably worked their asses off their entire lives; though, I'm just guessing since I don't know them. Keep us updated.

hopeful #1 said…
You know what stinks... when you write a 6 paragraph comment in response to Angel's comment and your computer locks up and doesn't post it.

Anyway, what I tried to say before was, thank you for keep coming back and sharing your suggestions and feedback!! Where have you been!?! I love these kinds of comments!

I wish I would've copied and pasted what I wrote in my last comment that was deleted because it was good and now I'm having a writer’s block! :(

Alright, so here goes... In regards to "Maybe you should tell them that they should consider using that common sense." This, my friend, is something I would love to say to them but just can't. Unfortunately for them, their idea of common sense in their home is much different from our home. Not only that but your comment about "I think that's what older folks desire most, since they've probably worked their asses off their entire lives; though, I'm just guessing since I don't know them." This makes me laugh too because again, unfortunately for them, this isn't the first time that they've been without common sense and in this situation. This is the second time.

If anything else, this stay is teaching my husband and I how to NOT be when we grow up. The people that are supposed to be someone that you might want to look up to are making the worse mistakes that they could ever make. It's sort of sad to watch and at times, it's embarrassing for all parties. But luckily for us, they have too much pride to swallow to ever say anything that would let us believe that they are grateful for what we are doing.

Not once have they said anything directly to me or to my husband. As if they didn't have any other options and that they just expected us to help them. It wasn't until last weekend that I heard them say to my mom, while I was in the room that they were really happy how the living arrangements have worked out and how they are fortunate to have us help. Not to me, nothing directed to me. It almost made me feel like this is my husband's house. How f-ed up is that?!?

With regards to assertiveness and having our ability to step and say something. This is something I'm working on. I have to tip toe around my male house guest because it really is his way or the highway. He doesn't believe that he is EVER wrong. This becomes a problem in a number of ways.

As an example, we went back and forth about how close the city I work in is to the airport. Then about the distance between where I work and a city that is 12 minutes from home. He was trying to argue with me about the airport being closer than the city 12 minutes from home when driving from where I work. I work there. I direct people monthly from the airpor to our office. It's 9 minutes, sometimes shorter. From where I work to the city just east of us takes at least 20 minutes if not more to do to. I live here. I work here. He doesn't. He's lived in 2 other states and 4 to 5 cities in the last 30 years. Things have changed and your depth perseption has too. I was right. He was wrong. He didn't admit it. And won't.

It's something that we're going to have to work on but I've known this man for 8 years and he was this way before me. He's not going to change but my approach will. It will be my goal to put my foot down, in whatever situation to prove him differently.

Ugh... there's more I want to say but if I keep going, I'm going to have to write another post, just to proclaim these things.

Stay tuned, as I might be starting a new blog just to release some of my frustrations about my houseguests.

Thanks again for your comments Angel!!!
hopeful #1 said…
To Julie and Freckleface:

I would think that it would be easier for parents to take in their children/family rather than the other way around.

They've done it before.

When it's your house (as the child) and you're hosting the older crowd it's much different.

Thank you for the positive feedback! :)
Anonymous said…
Are your guests relatives? Just remember, through the whole deal, that the highway happens to be your home; therefore, it's your way AND your highway.

Have you and your husband planned a "review" time? Meaning, after this couple has been in your home for a little while, you and your husband review how it's going to determine the extra length of time that the couple gets to stay.

hopeful #1 said…
Yes, they are relatives.

We haven't really talked about reviewing their time and when their stay should come to an end.

We casually talked about it the other day (prior to them moving in) and my husband (being the jokester that he is) answered in a way that might be funny but could become serious if not watched closely. I asked him, "So how long do you think they'll stay? Like just a projected length of stay? Like 6 months, 1 year, 2 years? How long??"

His response was, "Maybe 10 years." Of course joking but seeing their age and the inability to get a job, it might be 10 years and we might have to turn our house into a nursing home... on geez. I'm not going there yet.

It's going to be MUCH shorter than that. They just have to get back on their feet. They just have to find a job and they just have to find an affordable place to live. They also have to finish filing a few things and have some legal things wrap up.

There's probably a light at the end of the tunnel, I just don't know where it is or where to look for it. We need to work on this. If I had an end date in mind, then I wouldn't be so fussy and frustrated all the time. I would remind myself constantly or the date and calm myself down knowing that it wasn't going to be much longer.

The problem is, I don't have a date.

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