Skip to main content

weak

{This is just a reminder that I'm not always as strong as I lead on to be. I am weak. I don't like it when I am but it happens. It's these fucking hormones that us women have that drive us crazy sometimes. It's no ones fault and I'm not pointing the finger at anyone, even though it might appear that way. I've had opportunities to do more advanced procedures, we just can't afford them. With all of that said...}









Would someone please pass me that damn water? Seriously, you are all drinking it, enjoying it and laughing with happiness while doing so, but you aren't sharing!!!! What's the big deal? You can get pregnant without any errors or hiccups or with little treatment and I'm still sitting here 2 months shy of 3 years of trying and I can't do it. I just want a little bit, just a little taste and I'll give it back. Or maybe I'll share it with someone else?!? Who are you to judge?



- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -



Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, I can't believe that I just wrote all of that outloud, on here, for all of you to read. It's how I feel from time to time and I just chose to keep it to myself or to my dh. He knows that I'm a little loony and he's okay with it. He knows that it comes in waves or just during certain parts of my cycle. He can put me in my place, call me crazy and we move on. I don't like to show that side of me to my viewing audience because I don't like that side of me. I mean, it's good to have a little crazy in ya, right?




So now that I have exposed myself and shown you that I am human, I just want to say that there have been A LOT of pregnancy announcements lately. I mean A LOT! So many, that I really can't keep track. While I'm overly excited for these ladies, it's just a little twist to the knife that was already implanted into my ovaries. It's no ones fault. I'm not blaming you for me not becoming pregnant, I'm simply stating that I'm frustrated.




So, if you would so kind, please pass me a drink of that water you are all drinking!!!??? I would love to overcome all of this!

Someday, something will click, whether it be our financial situation or something naturally, either way, we will get pregnant!


Someday.


Comments

Mrs. Hammer said…
Thanks for the comment. If you get a bit of that water, I'd like a sip myself. We're at the three year TTC mark as well - it sucks, big time. And yes, every other person I know is knocked up for free while I'm praying they can get at least 4 eggs out of my belly for a cool $10,000+. I wish I had the answers too. I hope that your something will 'click' soon!
Kristal said…
:( Don't feel bad for posting things like this. You're just getting your feelings out and they are totally normal.

I wish it was so easy as just giving you the water, cause trust me, I'd shower you in it.
SassyTimes said…
You are not crazy! You are normal!! I think you need to vent and get your emotions off your chest.

I have noticed a lot of announcements lately too.

{hugs}
Emily said…
Seriously, tons of pregnancy announcements - it's insane. And I don't know personally (yet)- but I know from my mom's struggles with infertility, that it's so hard to hear other people's good news. I'm praying for you that yours will be the next good news I read.
Mrs. Dirnberger said…
Shit..if I had extra water you would be the first person I pass it too!!!!
Dont' feel bad about writing this...write all you want, I will read and read it!
I remember hating to hear that others are pregnant..hating htem for it..so keep writing what you feel b/c I understand and bitch all you want! :)
Just me said…
Girl, I want some of that water too. *sigh*
I wish I could give you a hug.

I'm glad you were able to write this. And I hope and pray that your glass of water will be arriving soon.
Danica said…
I wish I could do something for you. I'm continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that good things come your way.
Quiet Oasis said…
I.CANNOT.IMAGINE. I'm serious. I feel frustrated when trying and the first month, AF shows up. So years? No. I just would not be sane in any way. I wish there were explanations for stuff like this. Like a little face-to-face coffee time w/ God. I don't know....

That said, I like people about 50 times more when they are brutally honest.

I feel mad FOR you. I do. I am always thinking of you, despite not "knowing" you.

Hang in there, friend. Life really sucks sometimes. Bigtime.
Natalie said…
I could have written that post!! You have been trying longer than me, we are hitting the one year mark now.

Thanks for posting that. It felt good to read it especially when I feel the same way. I think about you often and keep you in my prayers.
mrs.leah.maria said…
You aren't crazy and you are human and you're not expected to have super hero strength.

If I knew where I got the water from I would have no problem sharing it. I'd even pay for shipping or deliver it in person!
erinann said…
you're one of the strongest chics I know. i think of you often. xo

Popular posts from this blog

that nightmare

Time is passing and permanent/next step decisions AREN'T being made about where our marriage is going.

Not because of anything other than HOPE....

Hope that these changes are real.  I can't deal with an act anymore.  I'm done with those fake attempts.  It just won't work for me.  I can't.

Hope that he really wants to change.  Because he's the only one that can make that decision for himself and not anyone else.

Hope that a new normal is really a possible option.  And not just a glimmer of something that will eventually be shattered and destroyed.

Hope that we could work through all of this and actually land on our feet.  But he has to want to do those things and my guidance won't help him.  He's got to want to do them on his own.  I can't help or ask or guide.  He has to do it.  Alone and with the help of God.

Hope that the narcissistic behaviors are being dealt with in positive ways and won't resurface.  With the help of prayer, guidance from h…

my little model...

There is a blog that I follow of a photographer that I saw at the Delaware County Fair. Her studio is near my home town and her pictures are very vibrant. I enjoy looking at different aspects of photography and I like seeing how didn’t people capture pictures and scenes… I guess you could say I’m envious.

While following her blog, I saw a post that stated Calling All Furry Friends and immediately responded. I have always wanted to have Toby get professional pictures done but I just fear that I wouldn’t pick the right person to capture his personality.

Anyway, as you can read in the link above, there were a handful of photographers at Megan Morgan’s studio and they were all going to be there just to take furry friends pictures.

Of the people that were there two have uploaded their pictures and Toby is in them!

First, Megan Morgan’s blog: Weekend Workshop

Then, Holly McCaig’s blog: Dogs Everywhere

They all captured some great pictures and I can’t wait to get my hands on them so that I …

Starting here..

I know that I haven't really updated this in a long while. I apologize. In the moments it was hard enough to survive, let alone write about it or find time to write about it.

With that said, I've told people over and over again that I'm going to write again, just not sure where to start.
So, today, I'm starting here.
My mom is terminal.  
Words that I cannot believe have to leave my mouth or my fingers.
She's been battling Ovarian Cancer for well over 10 years and this last year or 8 months+ have been just the worst.  Her body is being consumed by cancer and with every day that passes we are just another closer to losing her.
She's fought this whole time and continues to beat the odds that the doctors have placed before her. She's set goals and surpassed them and when the doctors say something, it's like she mentally tells herself that it's just NOT going to happen and she flies by those measurable items.
She's been a rock star and I have known …