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4 days late

I can't believe I'm actually writing this post.

Yesterday, I was 4 days late.

Aunt Flow hadn't showed any signs of arriving. My body just felt normal. I wasn't bloated, I didn't have any back pain, I wasn't crampy and I wasn't a raging bitch.

I was just normal.

Nothing was bothering me and honestly was starting to think that something finally clicked. I was starting to think about what we did differently this time verses the last (33 cycles) to make the difference.

There have many times that I've worked myself up so much that I can't wait to test. It's just makes me crazy and it's all I can think about it. When this happens, my husband always says, just wait. Wait until you are actually late.

So this week, when I was one day late, I was like, no big thing... I'll just wait another day. Then that day went by and the next. Before I knew it, I was really 4 days late and I almost couldn't even work up the nerve to actually test. We went to the store, for a number of other items and when I went to go buy a test, my husband was reluctant. I told him that I was 4 days late and technically some people can test and know 4 days prior to the end of your cycle, so I'm totally in the clear...

While on our way to get the test from the shelf at the store, my husband was just beaming. He looked at me with a stupid grin that thinking about now, makes me tear up. He was super pumped that I was 4 days late and that we were testing.

4 days late, nothing to worry about, right?

We get home and I hadn't peed in about 4+ hours or maybe it was right on the nose, either way it was pretty close. So I tested. Peed in a cup, waited 20 seconds with the stick in the pee, set it on the counter and waited. The bathroom door was pushed open a crack and in came my husband. We both looked at the test, read the instructions again to be sure I was looking at what I thought I was looking at and then my husband asked, is that it. I said, well it says we can wait 10 minutes just to be sure but yeah, that's it.

We both walk away, eat our dinner and start to watch The.Wonder.Years that my parents purchased for my husband for Christmas (totally boot legged from China but hey, they work!). About 10 minutes later, I get up and go into our bathroom just to double check and throw it away.

It's negative and it didn't change.

4 days late.

So I come back into the living room, sit down and my husband says, "did you check it?" I said, "Yeah, it was still negative. I threw it out and I'll try to test again in the morning."

As we're wrapping up the evening and I'm listening to my husband play the guitar, I start to feel crampy. I think, it's probably the pizza we had for dinner or at least I hope that it is. Before heading to bed, I checked and low and behold...

4 days late, she has arrived.





4 days late.


I'm heartbroken.


I'm lost.


I don't know what to do anymore.


4 days late. I mean, really?




Comments

just me, dawn said…
oh I am so sorry. what a witch AF is.....big hugs!
Rachel said…
Oh I'm so sorry. What a HUGE let down :(
Quiet Oasis said…
Oh gosh. NOT how I wanted that post to end. :( :( :(

I.JUST.CANNOT.IMAGINE. At all.
SassyTimes said…
Okay, I'm going to say it....that AF is a bitch!!! ;)

{hugs}
Waiting said…
what a ripoff. I know the feeling and it SUCKS!
*Sam* said…
I'm so sorry.
Leigh said…
I'm really so sorry... I was slowly scrolling down in the hopes of big news at the end... So sorry.
Anonymous said…
Yuck. That flat out sucks.

AF was 10 days late for me a few months ago. I kept thinking, finally, but the tests kept being negative. And then a blood test was negative too? Weird. They had to give me drugs to bring AF along. That was wretched. I was so afraid that I still might be pg...
Mandy said…
I'm so sorry. That sucks!
Mrs. Dirnberger said…
Wish I could hug you tight. I have no words right now to make it right or to help you trough this. I could say "it will happen one day" or " you will hold a baby soon in your arms" but none of that matters and want to hear none of that. So all I can do is send a hug and love and prayers!
TLC said…
it's official. AF is a mean, nasty, game playing b*tch!

so sorry....

sending {hugs} your way.
Ugh. I am so sorry. I check your blog also and am so hopeful. It just doesn't seem fair.
Me said…
I know that feeling...every month I get myself so worked up. Even when I am trying NOT to think about it - I do.

HUGS
Wish I could do something. Nothing I say will make you feel any better. Hang in there girl. I'm routing for you!

http://mika-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/

I've deleted my blog and restarted.. Well fixing to!
Janae said…
I'm so sorry you went through that whole "4 days late" ordeal! My honey and I are also TTC (for a bit over a year now) and even though AF's visit sucks every cycle, it sucks more when she plays those mind games! I too found myself in pretty much the exact same situation a few cycles after us begining to try. It sucked!
Hang in there! Things will work out for you!
I'll be keeping you in my prayers!
Just me said…
Boo. Sorry, sweetie. That sucks. That bit of hope... and then taken away.

{{hugs}}
Mickey D. said…
Not the ending that any one of your readers wanted for you and your husband.

I'm continually amazed at your positive attitude and your incredible strength through this.

I'm CONVINCED that one day you will be rewarded for that.
mrs.leah.maria said…
Oh hun. My words will not even be a salve to your pain, but I'm so sorry.
Danica said…
I'm sorry. HUGS
Katie said…
oh my goodness can I just tell you that AF is a you know what! ugh!

I am in the "ttc" boat right now. My husband and I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago, it was NOT cool.

I just can't wait to try again and get this show on the road....

ughhh--bodies are so confusing!

stop by my blog sometime

xox
katie

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