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AF showed up just minutes ago and there really isn't much more to say than just that.

My progesterone was at a 4.5 with 50mg clomid and a hcg trigger shot.

What's next? 100mg of clomid, hcg trigger shot and onto IUI #3.

What if that doesn't work? Then I have to consult with my dr. on doing injections and other steps in combination with another IUI. I need to learn more about how it will work exactly but if that doesn't work then I'm/we're onto IVF.

How am I feeling? Depressed. Disappointed. At one point in time I was really anxious and you can't help but be when you don't have much standing in your way. It's really upsetting. It sucks that it's not working like we had hoped but not only that but we still don't know how to fix it. We just have to keep doing trial and error until something clicks. Oh and it doesn't help that I sit next to the ONLY pregnant girl in my office and there is only three people in our 4 person cube. Ugh.

What would you really like to say, if you didn't have to hold back? Why the fuck does this have to happen to me? I mean there are people out there like this who obviously can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and then don't know if they are going to keep it or not. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? This drives me crazy.

Enough on that subject. I'll spare you what I'd really like to say... You don't need to be subjected to that.

This fucking sucks.


Mika said…
So so sorry. I can't imagine. I honestly have no words that are going to help you feel better. But please know that I will be praying for you. I want you to have peace more than anything else.

Whitney said…
Ugh, I can't believe it!!! I'm so sorry! Hang in there, my friend! Call if you want to talk!
SassyTimes said…
I'm so very sorry if my blog upset you. She literally made me sick. People like her disgust me.
One Pork Chop said…
Ugh, my heart sank when I saw the subject of your post. I'm so very sorry. SO very sorry.

I read that link you posted, and, yes, it made me sick as well. It's sickening that so many undeserving people can get pregnant so easily while wonderful people, like you and your husband, have so many struggles. That's one thing I'll never understand or come to terms with.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I've heard many good things about upping it to 100mg of clomid.

I'm sorry.

Allison said…
((HUGS)) I'm so, so very sorry.
Just me said…
It does suck. :( I'm sorry- I'm in a similar situation in that we don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. I just finished my 4th failed IUI cycle (5th medicated) and I think I'm going to go crawl under a blanket on the couch and pout.

Hope the next cycle goes better for you!
Mandy said…
I'm so, so sorry. Lots of hugs to you.
t.w.i.t. said…
I'm so sorry. I'll keep praying for you. And I'll probably offer you a hug when we go to dinner tomorrow.
Where's Baby? said…
I am so sorry. I feel your pain and anger. What about doing an injectable cycle this time around?!?!
AthenaBee said…
I said "fuck" rght out loud... and I don't even swear anymore.
hopeful #1 said…
@ Where's Baby?: I'm not sure that injectables are an option this time around. My nurse said that my dr. wants to up my clomid, try that and then move onto the injectables from there. I have a consult with him in a couple of weeks and from there I'll learn more about what we can do and what is left to do before going to IVF.

@ AthenaBee: Me too, me too. It's just one of those things that come out when you least expect it. Especially when you want something THIS badly.

@ Everyone else: Thank you for being so supportive. It really brightens my day to know that you are all standing behind me, cheering every step of the way. It's not fun, it will never be fun but having you there reminds me at my low point, that it WILL happen.

My dh and I talked last night and we are both so anxious. With every cycle that passes our "positive outlook" turns another page and it makes it harder and harder to keep going, but we do. I had to remind myself and my dh last night that my dr at Ohio Reproductive will get us pregnant. That's what he does, that's all that he does. He gets people pregnant. He makes babies. It will happen. It will.
Mrs. Dirnberger said…
I can't even imagine the pain and nothing I say will change your thoughts at all....just know a special prayer was just sayed for you!
TLC said…
just wanted to say...

Alyson said…
I'm so sorry!! :( I didn't expect to see this post this morning. I am here for you if you want to talk.
Danica said…
Ah I'm so sorry. I had everything crossed and was praying for you. My thoughts ar with you through this journey.
Kristen said…
:( I am so sorry - been hoping and praying for you guys - will hope and pray harder . . .
Molly said…
I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say but that. I hope the next one is it for you guys!
JJ said…
Im sorry does fucking suck. Im hoping the suckage stops soon.
I do love reading your small things-keeps things in perspective!

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