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Brand New Day

Artist: Joshua Radin
Album: Simple Times
Title: Brand New Day

This video link is kind of cheesy but it allows you to hear the song at least...

Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in its light

I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend

It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

I have posted before about how music plays a major role in my life. How there are many milestones that I can relate some tune too to help me cope. These past few months I've tried a few new things to help with the whole TTC issue that seems to be a constant in our lives. Those things haven't worked. (Robitussin, Evening Primrose Oil, 2 pillow elevation after sex, more protein in diet, and bd-ing everyday on days 10-19) It's depressing but we are pressing on!

Aunt Flow showed up last Wednesday and with that (as usual) came a lot of crazy emotions. It seemed as though this cycle had a lot more ups and downs compared to the last cycle but I don't really know if I can compare that accurately based on the fact that I'm always a little off when my cycle comes around. Anyway, I found myself crying or getting teary eyed over the small things this week and weekend. Things that I wouldn't think twice about typically but for some reason this time it was harder.

As usual my husband tries to comfort me when I'm down and this time he said something that originally I took as a stab but then I realized he was right! Crazy, right?!?

We were driving home. I was already in a mood. We were at a friends house and one of the girls there announced that she was pregnant, before I got there. I didn't need to be there for the announcement but just knowing that it happened, hurt me.

I started to tell my husband in the car that it was just hard for me to be around her because I wasn't ready to deal with the fact that it took her 2 months and it's taking us 14 times that. Our conversation went on, I cried, my dh ran his hands through my hair, I cried some more and then he said, "Stop being childish and selfish!" (the stab) After thinking about what he said and what I had said, it made since. I realize that I get this way through my cycle, but I can't help it.

Taking what he said to heart and really thinking about it as something that I need to adjust (or just keep quite) I figured out these things: 1. Stop being/acting childish and selfish. 2. Be happy for them (our friends that are pregnant). 3. It will happen for us, we just have to STOP stressing about it. 4. That maybe it's just not our time. 5. Be happy for the life that we have and stop worrying about what we don't have.

Moral of this post: For me, I need to be happy that today is a brand new day, a brand new cycle and a brand new time to try. Be happy that I can wake up and have my dear loving husband there to kiss me, to love me through my crazy days and to remind me that today is a new day.


Simi said…
:hug: i think it's really nice that your hubby was able to take the stab at you but you were able to relfect about it and understand what he meant... i know so many people who have a hard time getting preg. and have to watch others getting preg I can't imagine how hard it is, but you figure it's probably hard for those around you that know how much you want to be and if they end up being so before you. (don't know if all that made sense.. but wow even last month while i had the scare i felt like such a bad person). . . :hug: again to you! :)
Allison said…
((HUGS)) I'm really impressed that you're able to reflect upon what your DH said and take it in a positive light. I think I would have just been hurt (and maaaaybe realized he was right later...). I keep hoping that "your time" is right around the corner. ((HUGS))

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