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my 24...

Since we have officially finished with our 24th cycle while trying to conceive, it’s been an interesting journey but we will be happy once the journey is complete. To showcase what we’ve learned throughout this time, I’m making a list of 24 things that I’ve learned during these 24 months. These are things that I have personally learned or experienced. These things might be minuscule to you or maybe something that you have known but to me, these are just some things that I would like to share with you…

Side Note 1: My count of 24 months is from the moment that we thought we were expecting in September/October of 2006. We didn’t officially start “truly trying” until December of 2006. We had been off birth control since June of 2004 so it was pretty much fair game from that point until today. OMG, I’ve been off birth control since June of 2004, that (sort of) makes me want to cry. 4 + years without birth control and still nothing. Wow. That’s pathetic.

Side Note 2: I just wrapped up my cycle and I’m not feeling so hot. I think that I’m falling back into 4. Depression for the next couple of days… It’s just one of those weeks.

Onto the list…

Our 24 things that I (we) have learned over my (our) 24 (and counting) cycles:

24. Babies aren’t easily made.

23. Clomid doesn’t work well with my system and turns me into a angry beast. (It does work for some people, however.)

22. My friends that do end up pregnant, during the time that we’ve been trying, are not my enemies.

21. I am very happy to be married and with someone who is willing to stand by my side, always.

20. God has a timeline of when things are supposed to happen. Put it in His hands and do not try to hold onto it.

19. OB’s delivery babies and RE’s create & deposit embryos. If they are one, they don’t know much about the other.

18. The emotional roller coaster that you are on while trying to conceive, you can NEVER prepare yourself for what is to come.

17. A form of a support group is much needed during this time; message board, blog, phone a friend… something.

16. Your husband needs to know the details. Mark your house calendar for important dates, doctors visits and times when you are trying.

15. We are not the only ones that have tried and have not had success. We are not alone in this struggle.

14. Although we are suffering and hurting, we are lucky to have taken the steps that we done and had the results that we’ve had.

13. As HSG does not hurt nearly as much as some lead to believe or that some have had.

12. Dropping off an SA wasn’t as embarrassing as I was expecting.

11. Getting positive results from tests aren’t as easy to react to as you would expect.

10. Being diagnosed as “unexplained infertility” isn’t as easy to understand or be as comfortable with as I would’ve expected.

9. Getting the questions, “Any babies yet?” or “Are you pregnant, yet?” just annoy me. Doesn’t anyone take into consideration that it isn’t as easy for everyone?!?!

8. However, don’t get bent out of shape too badly over these questions. Have a quick (and somewhat) false/less detailed response to quickly shut them up or to shock them so they don’t keep asking you. This will help you with future interactions.

7. For me, it is very strange how reliable aunt flow became as the months rolled on. There hasn’t been a time where she completely let me down. She always comes when she has been expected. There was ONE month during the last 24 when she was 10 days late. Boy was that a mess. I hate her still and my hate for her has grown immensely over the last 24 months.

6. An OB will only do so much for you while conceiving is an issue. They do try and do as much for you as possible but the sooner you move onto an RE the faster you will have a more positive result or at least a plan in place to potentially create that positive result. Wasting time with an OB is typical and some will give you the option to call an RE right away. If that’s the case, JUMP ON IT!

5. As hard as this might sound and as hard as it might be, don’t act crazy around a baby that isn’t yours. Don’t hold a baby, throw your pouty bottom lip out, hold the baby close and say, “I want one”. This will make, not only the mother of the baby uncomfortable, but everyone around you ridiculously uncomfortable. I’m not talking from experience (as in I have done this) but as an on-looker, I have seen this and it’s just fucking crazy. Do NOT do this. As much as you might want said baby, this is just fucked up. Please stop doing this if you do this now, it’s not healthy.

4. Try not to pent up anger and frustration about this process. Vent to someone who will listen and give you good feedback. Keeping these things inside will hurt you and stress you out which could eventually work against you in this process. Let your husband know how he can help. Fill him in on all of the details so he is not in the dark. This isn’t all up to you, it’s a team effort. Remember that.

3. Don’t share your story of infertility with everyone. Have a selected audience. If you share this information with too many people then you will constantly have people asking you about your journey. For some you might enjoy this. For others it might be trying and it might become more work than not sharing it at all. Choose your audience wisely. Personally I would keep this information private, especially at work.

2. Do not eliminate adoption as an option. So many people are 100% against this. Unfortunately, you never know how your situation might end up. You want to have as many options as possible when dealing with your diagnosis and if the end results ends up being adoption, do it. It’s almost like a perk to fertility. Just keep an open mind and don’t forget about all of your options.

1. Stay positive. Again, as hard as this might seem, you must have a positive outlook on this whole process. It doesn’t get any easier to deal with infertility so you must remind yourself to stay positive. Vent when necessary but overall, stay strong and positive.


mrs.leah.maria said…
I wish I didn't have to read this, because you hadn't had the opportunity or experience to write it.

Very solid advice. Totally agree with #5 as an onlooker as well.
SAHW said…
While it must be so hard to reflect on the last 24 months, your reflections are awesome...seriously, this is a great list of reassurance for anyone struggling in the midst of IF. I just hope the struggle will be over for you soon.

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