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what's the plan?

Today I’m full of mixed emotions. I’m sad because yesterday aunt flow showed, again. I’m angry because my body isn’t cooperating with me and isn’t doing what it can and should do. I’m happy because we are approaching the “trying stage” again but in the same breathe it’s depressing because it’s another month under our belt.

Throughout this process I try very hard to stay positive and upbeat. Not a lot of people in my real world know that this is our current issue and only those of you that are reading know that it’s an on going problem. I stay up beat and positive so I don’t let the outside world know. It’s hard enough going through it month to month. I would hate to have the constant reminder or questioning at work or from my family. Sometimes I feel as though those people all have enough stresses on their own that they don’t need an additional thing to worry about.

Blogging was (and has been) my way of expressing how I’m feeling. It’s been a way for me to meet people who are experiencing something similar and a way for me to share my story. It’s been a way for me to write down my feelings and have only those who care comment or read. It’s been a way for me to let my frustrations out, for my questions for be shared and for my hurt to be shown without doing it on the outside everyday, all day.

This month is different than the last few. I still feel mad and depressed that it’s just not working but in the same breathe I feel much more motivated. I want a plan. I want to know that I’m doing the right things. I want to know that if this month I try on my own, one last time, and (if) it doesn’t work, that I have another step to take next month (as apart of the “plan”).

My doctor has given me options but nothing specific. Nothing encouraging. Nothing that makes me feel like, “We are going to succeed!! We WILL tackle this issue and resolve it!!” I’m not getting that from my doctor and it’s only adding frustrations and worry to my situation. Her last comment to me, as I left my appointment last week was, “You are only 25, so you do have time.” What is that supposed to mean? Or what is she implying? Keep trying and maybe it will work one of these times? Maybe we aren’t using the right hole? Or maybe she’s telling that she still has hope, if I've lost it? Maybe she thought she was being kind and helpful, but she was really doing her job and saying what she's said before. Maybe she was trying to just brush me aside so that she could get to her next appointment? Maybe she did care, but she sure has a harsh way of showing it.

I've said this before, but (seriously) this month is going to be our month. We are going to jump start our efforts and really try! Really, really try! Not that we haven't really, really tried before but this time is going to be different. It's going to work! Seriously, we will tackle it this month! Stay positive and send all of your good luck thoughts our way!!!

Stay tuned...


Jill Marie said…
Second, I have a situation in my life where my sister-in -law just got pregnant(they weren't trying) and now my M-I-L asks me ALL THE TIME...are you pregnant YET??? Knowing that we have been trying....just adds stress and disappointment to my life.

So sorry, I guess I needed to get that off my chest. And since she reads my blog on occassion I can't really post about it.

In closing... know that you and your DH are dalways in my prayers!!!
Allison said…
Praying for you and your DH that this can be your month!
SAHW said…
I'm glad you're feeling so motivated for this month! I hope the motivation works and this is the month for you guys!

My doctor said the same thing, and it was really frustrating for me too...
G&D said…
GL and best wishes to you!! I really hope this month is it!! :::hugs:::
Melissa said…
First, thank you for placing Itsabelly Baby Concierge in your blog roll as one of your fave links! I appreciate your support in spreading the word about providing healthy/green choices for new families. Regarding your post, I wanted to say kudos to you for staying positive. I'm sending more positive vibes your way and believe that you will have what you wish for! Try not to worry too much and focus on having fun in the process :)
Two Pretzels said…
Good luck to you. I know that it's so difficult. I hope you're right - this month WILL be your month!
JROD said…
There is more than one hole?
hopeful #1 said…
JRod, That's what Sean said too. I told him that throat babies don't count.

I knew I should've paid more attention in sex ed class. Or at least Sean should've, darn it!

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