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i need a break...

For the last 18 or so months I have been diligently counting the days, stressing myself out, taking opk, and pregnancy tests anywhere from 2 to 5 days early just to see if I'm actually pregnant. During all of this I have become completely obsessed with becoming pregnant. It's really effecting me and hitting me hard that it's just not working. I feel like this last cycle was really hard for me and mentally, I just need a break.

I started my cycle on Thursday last week and technically I was supposed to start my 3rd round of clomid on Saturday. I didn't call the doctor however I'm going to today. I'm just going to tell them that I need a break. I need to have a cycle that I just don't think about it. Where dh and I can really reflect on the last couple of months and do everything except what we have done for the last 18 cycles.

Not only has it been hard for me but my dh doesn't enjoy my emotional state. We also don't enjoy the state in which our relationship has plummeted to due to the fact that a bfp hasn't graced our presence. It's really taken a toll on me and I just need to step away from it for a while.

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to count the days. I don't want to take an opk. I don't want to be depressed during the 2ww. I don't want to take clomid. I can do it on my own (or at least I don't have anything wrong according to the test to prevent me from doing it on my own), so let's just give it a go! I want to have fun non-bd. I don't want to worry about it for now.

Hopefully my doctor will feel the same way and allow for me to take a break.

***** Update as of 9:53am *****

Dr. approved, take a break, relax and take a trip if need be... oh and call us when you are ready to start talking about it again. WHOOOO HOOOO, it's like a huge weight was just lifted from my shoulders! It feels great!


Jen said…
Enjoy your break! It can definitely be too much sometimes (or all the time, really).
Jill Marie said…
I bet that you taking this break will increase your chances! Have you ever noticed that when a couple finally desides to adopt, after years or months of trying, that they usually end up pregnant right after?!?! My brother and his wife tried for years, when the stopped focusing on it and just kinda gave up... they now have a 9 month old!!

So good luck to you!!! I am also trying to get pregnant right now, so i feel for you.

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