Skip to main content

i need a break...

For the last 18 or so months I have been diligently counting the days, stressing myself out, taking opk, and pregnancy tests anywhere from 2 to 5 days early just to see if I'm actually pregnant. During all of this I have become completely obsessed with becoming pregnant. It's really effecting me and hitting me hard that it's just not working. I feel like this last cycle was really hard for me and mentally, I just need a break.

I started my cycle on Thursday last week and technically I was supposed to start my 3rd round of clomid on Saturday. I didn't call the doctor however I'm going to today. I'm just going to tell them that I need a break. I need to have a cycle that I just don't think about it. Where dh and I can really reflect on the last couple of months and do everything except what we have done for the last 18 cycles.

Not only has it been hard for me but my dh doesn't enjoy my emotional state. We also don't enjoy the state in which our relationship has plummeted to due to the fact that a bfp hasn't graced our presence. It's really taken a toll on me and I just need to step away from it for a while.

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to count the days. I don't want to take an opk. I don't want to be depressed during the 2ww. I don't want to take clomid. I can do it on my own (or at least I don't have anything wrong according to the test to prevent me from doing it on my own), so let's just give it a go! I want to have fun non-bd. I don't want to worry about it for now.

Hopefully my doctor will feel the same way and allow for me to take a break.

***** Update as of 9:53am *****

Dr. approved, take a break, relax and take a trip if need be... oh and call us when you are ready to start talking about it again. WHOOOO HOOOO, it's like a huge weight was just lifted from my shoulders! It feels great!

Comments

Jen said…
Enjoy your break! It can definitely be too much sometimes (or all the time, really).
Jill Marie said…
I bet that you taking this break will increase your chances! Have you ever noticed that when a couple finally desides to adopt, after years or months of trying, that they usually end up pregnant right after?!?! My brother and his wife tried for years, when the stopped focusing on it and just kinda gave up... they now have a 9 month old!!

So good luck to you!!! I am also trying to get pregnant right now, so i feel for you.

Popular posts from this blog

that nightmare

Time is passing and permanent/next step decisions AREN'T being made about where our marriage is going.

Not because of anything other than HOPE....

Hope that these changes are real.  I can't deal with an act anymore.  I'm done with those fake attempts.  It just won't work for me.  I can't.

Hope that he really wants to change.  Because he's the only one that can make that decision for himself and not anyone else.

Hope that a new normal is really a possible option.  And not just a glimmer of something that will eventually be shattered and destroyed.

Hope that we could work through all of this and actually land on our feet.  But he has to want to do those things and my guidance won't help him.  He's got to want to do them on his own.  I can't help or ask or guide.  He has to do it.  Alone and with the help of God.

Hope that the narcissistic behaviors are being dealt with in positive ways and won't resurface.  With the help of prayer, guidance from h…

my little model...

There is a blog that I follow of a photographer that I saw at the Delaware County Fair. Her studio is near my home town and her pictures are very vibrant. I enjoy looking at different aspects of photography and I like seeing how didn’t people capture pictures and scenes… I guess you could say I’m envious.

While following her blog, I saw a post that stated Calling All Furry Friends and immediately responded. I have always wanted to have Toby get professional pictures done but I just fear that I wouldn’t pick the right person to capture his personality.

Anyway, as you can read in the link above, there were a handful of photographers at Megan Morgan’s studio and they were all going to be there just to take furry friends pictures.

Of the people that were there two have uploaded their pictures and Toby is in them!

First, Megan Morgan’s blog: Weekend Workshop

Then, Holly McCaig’s blog: Dogs Everywhere

They all captured some great pictures and I can’t wait to get my hands on them so that I …

Starting here..

I know that I haven't really updated this in a long while. I apologize. In the moments it was hard enough to survive, let alone write about it or find time to write about it.

With that said, I've told people over and over again that I'm going to write again, just not sure where to start.
So, today, I'm starting here.
My mom is terminal.  
Words that I cannot believe have to leave my mouth or my fingers.
She's been battling Ovarian Cancer for well over 10 years and this last year or 8 months+ have been just the worst.  Her body is being consumed by cancer and with every day that passes we are just another closer to losing her.
She's fought this whole time and continues to beat the odds that the doctors have placed before her. She's set goals and surpassed them and when the doctors say something, it's like she mentally tells herself that it's just NOT going to happen and she flies by those measurable items.
She's been a rock star and I have known …