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so the story begins...

sean & i met in 2001 through my friend nikki that i was good friends with all through college. sean was a friend of her older brother and just after a few meetings (at school, church, coffee) we decided to exchange numbers and start our courtship. we dated from january 2001 until july 14, 2003, when sean proposed on kure beach, nc while on a vacation with his family. his proposal was very sweet, with many kind words, a few nerves, the ocean and on bended knee. the location and emotions surrounding our moment in time, was perfect. we were engaged until march 20, 2004, when we got married. we have been married now for about 4 years and growing with everyday that we spend together.



our first addition to our family was oscar. he was a very loving cat that we rescued as a kitty from the local humane society. unfortunately this past august oscar passed away, it was a very tragic situation and we are still getting over the sites and scenes from that day. oscar has a brother toby whom he was very fawned of and loved dearly. we have also since adopted a new kitty (not 100% by choice) and he has turned into a fabulous kitty. he (william) is still adjusting but all in all he's been great and i see a little bit of oscar in him daily. =)



our new journey is to add another member to our family but with this member comes a little bit of stress, more responsibility, and difficulty. (WARNING: Possible TMI *too much info* to follow) for almost 3.5 years of our marriage, i have not been any sort of birth control. i had issues taking it daily and in the end it wasn't doing be any good to take it so i stopped. from there we used other methods to avoid a bambino. since september of 2006 we have talked about possibly starting to try. our goal when we first started talking about babies was that we would start just before sean turned 30 years old. well unfortunately for us, he turned 30 in oct of 2007 and we are still at the baby making game. so now we have been trying for about 16 months, give or take a month and we haven't had any luck.

in october of 2007, i went in for my annual and decided that i wanted to bring this up with my doctor. i wanted to see if she was alarmed and i wanted to see if there was anything that we could do differently to make things happen. we also wanted to make sure that there wasn't something wrong and it wasn't just something that we were doing wrong. that day i had a blood test (progesterone test) to make sure that i was/am ovulating. it came back and showed activity that indicated i am ovulating or at least i was during that cycle. from there i was given a couple choices with tests and some instruction to call in during my upcoming cycles to go ahead with the tests. i put it off for two months... hoping that we were just not doing it right.

so now, two months later, i'm having second thoughts on what we are doing and what could be wrong. i contacted the doctor and said that i would like to proceed with my tests and sean's tests. i have an hsg test at 7:30am on wednesday this week (tomorrow) and sean is preparing for his testing as well. i'm freaking out daily. i have melt downs because i just feel like a failure. i feel like i've really let sean down and i don't know how to fix it by myself. i understand that these tests and things will eventually lead to answers but the unknown is a little scary.

i'll follow up tomorrow when the testing is done. hopefully things will get cleared out or be cleared out and maybe we'll have something positive this month to follow up with. we'll see.

more news to come tomorrow...

Comments

Hugs to you! I've had an hsg test so I know exactly what you are going through. I'm excited to keep up with your blog.
Colleen said…
I hope that they can give you some answers through your tests! Keep your head up, as I know that this is a nerve wracking time! ((hugs))
Colleen (degs05)

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