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nerves...

this morning i had my hsg test. my nerves were through the roof. i had a knot in my stomach, i was quiet and really stressing out about the test. i followed a few instructions given by my doctors office, as well as a few suggestions by the girls on the nest. i think i was anticipating something much more than what it was. i did take 4 tylenol an hour before i went and i don't know if that helped in the end. if in the future you have to have this test done, it seriously is no big deal. it's literally like a pap examine just a little more discomfort but nothing you cannot handle.

my thoughts about the test... 1. it was so fast. 2. it was a little uncomfortable but i think i worked myself up so much that what it ended up being wasn't too bad at all. 3. literally it wasn't 1/4 as bad as a typical cramp that i get during my cycle. 4. all i felt afterward (7:30am) was a little bloated but by now (1:30pm) i'm fine. plus, the news of all is my tubes were clear and now even more open than before was great news!! my doc said, after the examine was done, that this isn't the reason that we do the test but it does help increase the chances of getting pregnant in the next three months... i knew that going into it but now hearing it from my doctor it just makes me feel a little warm inside with hope. =)

disappointment... i was almost hoping that there was going to be a little bit of blockage on my end because then we would know what the problem was and we could proceed from there. with everything being clear, our complication is still unclear. i keep telling myself and sean that it's just our timing. we aren't doing it when we need to and that results in no pregnancy. i have been tracking my days and i feel like we are doing it around the right time but you would think that something would've happened by now. we'll see...

oh and i was also disappointed that i could have sean come back with me for the examine. they said because of the radiation that they didn't want him back there. plus the changing room that i was in was an all female changing room. i would've liked for him to be there but it just didn't work out.

aside from trying to make a bambino, life does go on. sean and i are working on dropping a few pounds. well okay, a few pounds at first just to get the ball rolling and then more to shed as time goes on. we have been watching our calories and what we are eating a lot closer. we are trying to eat more protein, more veggies and less carbs. it's a slow process but we are doing good so far. sean has lost a handful of pounds and honestly i haven't weighed myself to see what i have lost yet, but i'm working on it. we are also adding in some mild excersize to help burn some of the bad calories that we had been eating. i need to step it up on the excersize part...

finally but yet never forgotten, our house is on the list of things to worry about. no we aren't loosing it, we just can't stop thinking of projects for it. our newest big project that we are really hoping for is finishing our basement. we have a great space down there and not make use of it is killing me. we have storage, kitty litter boxes and things down there but i would love to have a family room down there. someday we will get on that... =)

many more posts to come with much more information that i ever thought i would write about... oh the world of blogging...

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Starting here..

I know that I haven't really updated this in a long while. I apologize. In the moments it was hard enough to survive, let alone write about it or find time to write about it.

With that said, I've told people over and over again that I'm going to write again, just not sure where to start.
So, today, I'm starting here.
My mom is terminal.  
Words that I cannot believe have to leave my mouth or my fingers.
She's been battling Ovarian Cancer for well over 10 years and this last year or 8 months+ have been just the worst.  Her body is being consumed by cancer and with every day that passes we are just another closer to losing her.
She's fought this whole time and continues to beat the odds that the doctors have placed before her. She's set goals and surpassed them and when the doctors say something, it's like she mentally tells herself that it's just NOT going to happen and she flies by those measurable items.
She's been a rock star and I have known …