I've been going through phases of "feeling myself" and feeling "back to normal" and today. Today, I feel really good. I don't know why, other than, I've just been trying to find me again. I've been trying to become comfortable again with my life that I've been given.
I'm so thankful for my life, really. But some days, it may not seem that way.
I let my day to day life eat me up and I'm not intentionally preserving any energy to use at home. It's actually something that I never really thought about before but about 2 weeks ago, I was ENORMOUSLY strung out. I told my husband and pastor that while I like to smile... It's exhausting and to have to do it all day, I told them that I actually hated it. Well, I'm learning that it's actually not a bad thing. I mean, sure. There are bad days that come along and I can be grumpy but why not smile through it.
I've been in such a dark ugly spot for a long time that I forgot what it was like to smile. And to actually enjoy doing it. My husband told me months ago that he wished I would would laugh more. I used to be KNOWN for my laugh and I think people liked having me around because I would laugh at just about anything. I believe that's because I was happy and I didn't really let much stand in my way. I just didn't let things bother me and I was happy.
Then life happened and I lost track of what happy felt like and I found new things that made me happy but I think I was still struggling to find that balance of happy and really happy, you know? Like I was going throught he motions of being happy but wasn't really happy. Almost like I was putting on a front and just pretending.
Anyway, today, is a good day. And I'm going to dwell in the fact that I feel good... Ya!